Well Then...

Really, I'm tired...I really am...and I should be sleeping, but I just cant fall asleep so I decided to come downstairs to the NEW computer and stare at the screen for a while. That should make me tired.

So I was watching TV...there's a tornado watch in effect in Tazewell county...eww I hate storms, I hope that this one is gone by tomorrow night. Nicci and I are staying at Lys' house to watch Ryker while Lys goes up with her family to her grandpa's funeral. It really sucks that she has to go to another family funeral. No one deserves that in this short amount of time even though most of us have to go thru it.

It was so cute, Ryker and Lys were leavin the Dairy Barn last night and I had gone outside to get mix from behind the building and Lys drives over and says, do you hear him? he's saying I love you Shelly! (which is pronounced by him as ha-ey) Aw I love that kid! even though he IS a little brat sometimes.

Lately I've thought a lot about Scott, maybe because I've spent so much time with Ryker and since I've spent so much time at their house. Regardless, I've thought about how Scott would be so pumped about all the people coming to youth group every week and how excited he would have been to see a second, more contemporary service come to MCC. I havent said anything, but I really think that for the first contemporary service, there is no one better than Scott to preach. I'm not bein all weird, I just think that somewhere we have to have one of his old sermons on tape! I think it would ROCK to have someone (preferably not Lys) just go ahead and read exactly what he said. I mean or if we have it on video, we could just play it or whatever. I just think it would be cool. Or I mean we could take one (or more) of his entries on his blog and turn that into a sermon, just so that his memory is envolved in some way.

I'm afraid that we as the youth at MCC are going to forget about Scott. I think thats one of the things I'm most afraid of with Ryker too. Jimmy and I were talking on the way home from the movie we went to see with Lys and the rest of the youth group tuesday night and he was tellin me that he was just afraid that since Ryker is so young he'll forget about Scott...that Jimmy doesnt remember what happened when he was 2 years old or who was important to him...and why would Ryker be any different. I dunno, its just terrible to think how it would be to lose your father after only 'knowing' him for 2 years. When I think about Scott, I'm so excited for him, because he really is in the one place that he really wanted most to be, but when I read his blogs, I think that he had so much more that he wanted to do, and I want to be able to do those things for him, but I know that because I'm a college student and because I'm not someone who's hired by MCC I wont be able to do it. Just like the worship band that I pushed for that I will never be able to be in...it just sucks to think that you cant do anything else in one particular place.

Maybe God is telling me that soon enough I'll have to find a church that needs my help. Not now of course, I couldnt leave those guys, they mean waaay too much to me. I just think that ministry might be a big part of my life, not necesarily that I want to be a minister, but that maybe my dreams of becoming a youth minister's wife might be really something that I need to be looking for. I cant keep dating the guys that I know I wont end up with, or that I know dont have the same values as me. Its just rediculous to think about each guy that i've dated or 'seen' in the past 6 years. None of which ended up having ANYTHING in common with me, mostly both of us just wanted to be in a relationship. I dont even know what it would be like to date a Christian guy. I dont know how that kind of relationship works! whoa, this is a little deep for 1am...

Lately I've been really relationship oriented, just really focused on...hmm I could see us dating. I know that its not a bad thing, but I also know that there are other things that I should be focusing on. I just want to find that perfect person (not perfect like they are perfect, but perfect for me) and get married, have kids, and have a LIFE! I'm not really tryin to speed my life by, but I do want those things and I think that someday I'll be able to have them. I've always said that I wanted to be married by the time I got out of college. That of course, being only 3 years away is a scary thought! and that whole non-existant boyfriend thing is a little problem too.

Sorry this is all so jumbled, maybe by reading all this you'll see what goes on in my head all the time is that scary or what!? Really, if you're still reading this you should get some kind of award! Oh well, all in good time I guess...

OKAY well since I have just about 5 1/2 hours to sleep before my alarm will go off so that I can put my clothes in the dryer I think I should go to sleep!!! Plus, the fam is leavin tomorrow for the cabin and I'm sure they'll be really loud in the morning so I wont be able to sleep anyways. PLUS I have church and its Debbie Schultz special music sunday AND DONUT SUNDAY!!! WOOT!!!! oh my gosh! I almost forgot it was DONUT SUNDAY!!!

well okay, time for bed
g'night!

Shelly



PS: FREE DONUTS AT MINIER CHRISTIAN CHURCH TOMORROW (Sunday June 5, 2005) 9am Worship Service, 10:30am Sunday School...