Today's The Day...

Well, I'm sitting here in my room, the TV off, by myself. I keep thinking today of what I was doing a year ago right now. A year ago right now (4:40) I was getting the worst phone call of my life. A year ago right now my life completely changed.

It's hard for me to let go. Just in general. Hard to let go of anything really. Sometimes I get so consumed with the past that I can barely handle moving forward. Of course I do move forward, but its not easy. I feel like in the past week and a half i've regressed to the way I was feeling a year ago today. I havent let myself be as happy as I think I should be, and I constantly am thinking...I wonder what Scott would've done in that situation. I wish that he could be here to see this. I want to see him, just one more time.

I'm sorry if I cant make this be 'just another day', to me its not 'just another day' today is the day. Today is the day my youth minister died. Today. Please dont tell me you understand. That probably is the worst thing you could say to me. Unless you are going through the EXACT same thing, please dont say you understand, because however much you may WANT to understand, you dont.

Well...its gonna be a long week
Shelly