Am I Missing Something?

Lately...well...lately I feel like maybe I'm missing something. Or maybe somethings missing from my life. I tend to jump to, oh! a boyfriend would do the trick :) but...i guess...i have to learn...that its not up to me. I read this book Marriable - the one I told you about before. and it really really kicked me in the face. Like hard. It basically pointed out all the things I do in relationships and said...yeah, those things? well they make a guy want to leave. I was like...wow...its so hard to hear sometimes.

I guess since right now I'm just getting over someone, I want so badly to have someone to occupy my time. I feel like I need to show that person that they totally missed out and not that they havent, but they probably dont care. ha. it sounds so mean when I write it, but its not that mean, theres just nothing between us. I guess I do that a lot ya know? I want to show someone that hey I'm okay look at me now! I can do whatever I want and you dont affect me anymore! Its okay for that person to not affect me, but I know that they dont, and so why do I need to prove it? Its like I want to so badly that I analyze everything that any guy says to me, and then when I think well...maybe? I've overanalyzed it waaaaaaay too far and shouldnt have even had the thought in my mind in the first place.

I think I'm just kinda in the dumps right now, I kinda feel like my life is missing something. That is why I'm starting to volunteer at the MERCY Community in downtown Springfield! Erin and I are going tomorrow I think and Jen and I are going Monday! I think I'm going to love it. I need something that occupies my time regularly where I can help people. I'm going to try this out for a couple weeks and then go ahead down to Big Brothers/Big Sisters! I consume my life with so many things that are just about me and I'm so sick of it! Yeah yeah yeah, last semester I went to Lousiana (twice) ;) and stuff but thats over! I cant stop doing things just because I took a couple trips!

welp, I gotta do some homework and then get ready for the Great LRH Roommate Swap of 2006!!
See Ya Around!
Shelly