A Long Day.

Well. Its been a long day. Today I went to a wedding. Today, I went to a wedding for my 85 year old x-neighbor, Ozzie. He's such a nice old man. And the wedding was so cute! I guess it was hard because the whole time I was thinking about the last time that I was in the church for a ceremony. Just so you know, it was Scott's funeral. or that was the last time I can remember (or could think about) and I was thinking about how much I hated having the lights down like they were and how it reminded me of Scott's visitation and how sad it was.

Do you know that when I was sitting (by myself) waiting for it to start, I turned around and for a second I thought I saw him? It was almost like he never died. Like I turned around, thought I saw him and thought, hey there's Scott, I havent seen him in a while, I wonder if he'll come and say hi to me. and then I realized, Shelly! He's gone. He's not going to come back. However much you want him to, and however much you think you need him to be here, he's not coming back.

Its a week away. 1 year ago, 1 week from well...technically today...was the day I got one of the hardest phone calls of my life so far. I know there'll be more hard times. I know. I also know that God wouldnt give me anything more than I could handle. I guess thats something I have to remind myself of during this hard time.

I know that some people think that maybe I'm making this too hard on myself, that I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I should, that maybe I shouldnt be so consumed with the fact that not only my youth minister, but one of my best friends died a year ago. Its hard for me because there are so many times where I wish I could just come home, go over to their house and talk to Scott about things that are happening in my life.

I was just thinking about one of the last times I talked to Scott, I mean really talked to him. I went over to his house to talk to Lys about boys (shocker there huh) and she wasnt home. So I sat and talked to Scott about EVERYTHING that had to do with school (including the boy scoop I was planning on telling Alyssa) I remember what he told me before I left...he looked at me as I was standing in the doorway getting ready to leave and he said to me, 'Shelly, I'm so glad we got to talk. And I hope that everything with school goes great, and I know it will because you can handle it. And with everything else, I just want you to be happy.' I guess I havent thought about that statement in a while because I feel bad being happy. I feel bad that I can be happy and he cant here, because he's gone.

I know that you all may see a change in me in the next week or two, because I can feel myself slipping back into the feelings that I had right after Scott's death. But I want you to know that I'll be okay. I know I will. Right now I just need to be able to deal with this stuff and know that my friends (no matter what I do to push you away) will be there.

I guess thats all I have for tonight.
Shelly


Ok I guess not (20 minutes later)
I was listening to the radio today, and I heard this song. And it's amazing. You should listen to it.

Cry Out To Jesus
Words by Mac Powell/Music by Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

I know its hard to read lyrics, but maybe buy the CD, or buy the song, listen to it. Reading the lyrics while you're listening to it helps you understand better.

It's Break!

It's turkey-day break! Its Wednesday and I have done a whole lotta NOTHING this whole break. It seems like every time I make plans they fall thru. Its so annoying...

So...I've been feeling pretty useless lately. I think the only things that I've done this week are shopping, sleeping, and watching movies. Oh yeah I did a little homework the first night I was home (kuz I'm a loser). I really want to go see a movie, but I'm not sure thats going to happen either. I cant wait to get back to school I guess, just kuz theres really nothing to do here. I feel like this week, even more than last summer I just have no friends left here. Everyone else is kinda doin their own thing, which is cool I just wish I had my own thing so I wasnt sitting in my house alone 80% of the day...lol

well, I'm going to try to find something to keep myself busy (probably shopping) tonight, and so I need to find a buddy to go with me! If anyone wants to do something anytime (except of course tomorrow) this week let me know...kuz I'm game for anything that brings me out of my house.

See Ya
Shelly

wowzers

I am currently in CAP 225 - What is Good and How is Good Determined? and I had asked Dr. Moranski to fill out a reference form for me for my internship next summer. She responded very quickly and said she'd 'get right on it' and so I figured it'd probly be a good idea for me to send in my application.

So I did...

Wow...what could make or break my summer. I guess there are other options, but I would like to stay in the US this summer. Having never been on a mission trip ever, well ok...Louisiana...but ya know....regardless...i dont want to go out of the country (and across oceans) for my first one. Unless someone I know is going to be there. At this point, who knows. I try to remind myself 'not my will but yours' but its a little difficult, I'm not gonna lie. I dont wanna give over control of stuff like that but I just have to.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post because it was really important. And i'm nervous. And I cant stop thinking about it. hm.


See Ya
Shelly

Changes

As you can see I've made a few changes to my blog... and I just wanted to post... for no reason...


I love you guys who read my blog :)

Shelly

Things Are Starting to Pile Up...

I'm so looking forward to thanksgiving break. SO looking forward to it. I cant wait to have little responsiblility for a whole week! Life around here has been pretty crazy the past few weeks, but I'm learning to deal and quit complainin.

So! Fun stuff-I went to a new church on Sunday and LOVED it! Its Central Baptist Church, right downtown, where I want to live someday ;) like 2 blocks from the capital and right across the street from the governor's mansion. it was so beautiful outside on Sunday too, even though there were a few clouds. The leaves in the trees across the street from the church were AMAZING.

I went to the doctor on Monday, to find out that I have a really bad ear infection, and that I got drywall dust in my ear in Louisiana, so thats probly why i got it! I never thought about that when we were tearing down walls and stuff. Anyways, the meds i'm on make me SOOOOO tired and out of it and cranky...so I apoligize if I've been mean to you.

I'm trying...I really am...

See Ya
Shelly

And you thought it would never come...

Here's my update! well I'm not going to be able to update you on EVERYTHING, I really dont have that much time...but here's whats been goin on w/me in the last month or so.

Yeah...I never finished the Slidell post, but thats because I was planning our NEXT TRIP! A group of 8 left last thursday and drove down to Mandeville, Louisiana. We worked the whole weekend and I made some amazing friends. Its hard though, because when you're working, theres not much time for 'getting to know you' type stuff. So most of that was pushed back to the evenings...when we were tired...really tired...Here are the things I learned this weekend:

1. Winn Dixie is not only a cute dog in some dumb movie, its also a grocery store.

2. Time travel could be possible

3. Sattelite clocks have to be set forward like 38 milliseconds a day because something about light travels faster as you get higher above the earth (or something)

4. I gotta go check the brownies has 2 meanings :)

5. Southern baptists are AMAZING people

6. Cockroaches are afraid of people, but they look at you for a second before they run away.

7. Cockroaches (the big ones like in Men In Black) make a crunch sound when you kill them.

8. Green Mold = eh, not the greatest but ok; Black Mold = Bad

9. Flooded carpets should be removed 48 hours after flood occurs (not 2 months)

10. A parish in the south is like a county, not a church.

11. Honkey is another word for white people...and when someone says sit down ya big honkey, that means they're serious and you should do it right away. :)

12. When you stab an aerosol can with a metal rake, it sounds distinctly like a snake...and it scares people...and then everyone runs away...

13. Shoutouts from Pastor Ken at the homecoming football game of the largest high school in Louisiana (Fontainbleau HS) and at the First Baptist Church of Mandeville make you feel good.

14. When people driving down the road make a sign to tell you thank you for what you did in Slidell, you know that you made a difference in someone's life.

15. I have the greatest friends.

Thats just an overall picture of how much fun we had this weekend. I think the greatest thing for me was making dinner for everyone. Erin, Jen and I made all the food, and it was so fun working with them, plus the guys set the table and we had a very nice candlelight dinner...where we discussed 'checking the brownies' and space travellers :)

I'm so ready to be back there. We leave December 17th, cooincidentally this is my sister's 15th birthday...but I have a feeling she wont mind...especially if i get her a good present.

I've decided that I'm not going to do so much stuff, I like it, but all its doing right now is stressing me out, so I'm just going to shy away from a few organizations on campus so i have some time to relax. The year and a half I've spent at UIS has been all about what other people want me to do, well now its gonna be what I want to do. So deal with it. :)

I'm sure I'll figure out the picture thing soon and then you'll be able to see some of the pictures I took while in Slidell this time. For now, its naptime :)

See Ya,
Shelly